Hey, everybody! Long time, I know. I've been busy getting ready for this year's War On Christmas. 'Cause, you know, who am I to make a liar out of Bill O'Reilly?
Most of my preparations have been in the design and commissioning of cutting-edge weapons and materiel for our troops to use in our ongoing crusade against The Baby Jesus, The American Way and "It's A Wonderful Life" (see Atheist War Memo 9-78: Operation Bedford Falling). We atheists take our War On Christmas all seriously and stuff, so obviously these preparations were made carefully, conscientiously and with great anti-religious vitriol.
So! What are we using to destroy happiness this year? Well, let's start with--